Is it bad that I want to leave? This is the place where I grew up, found myself and connected with people that I'll never forget. Is it bad that I want to leave my past here behind and that I'm looking forward to starting over where only a couple people know what I've done and who I was in the past? I'm glad Sonya is coming with me. Having her around makes things a lot easier because she understands pretty much everything that ever comes out of my mouth.. and stuff that she knows that I'm thinking but that I'm afraid to say out loud.
Almost everything in my house is packed and as I look around, all I can think is "good riddance and goodbye Hawaii." There really is nothing for me here. For the people who can live their lives sitting on the hot salty sand, not wondering what opportunities there are to better themselves out there.. this is a perfect place. But for me.. I have things I want/need to do. I want to be a biologist or a sociologist and I would like to try my best to help save the world and the things I hold precious in it. I wouldn't be able to do that here.
I've been really emotional for the past couple days and I'm scared that when I leave things between Matt and I will fall apart.. but if that's what happens then that's what was meant to happen and there's nothing I can do to stop it. I can TRY to repair it if something does happen but I would rather that we just be happy and stay together and avoid unhappiness altogether. Too bad he's going to Iraq.. it makes it even harder to be happy.
I don't have much else to say. I think that I've blabbed enough.