Candice (skeletonskills) wrote,

If only you could understand that this is not what you promised me things would be like. If you could see it from my point of view, you would know why I'm contemplating leaving. You're no good for me which is what you made me believe from the beginning. Seven months floating around without you and now the pieces of my life are slowly beginning to settle.

I feel more grown up and like I'm more prepared to take care of MYSELF.

I have finals tomorrow morning and it's going to suck. I'm already done with my religion class but English and history are tomorrow.. and English I have to rewrite my fifth essay because she knows I did it half-assed and says that I can do better so she's giving me until the end of June.

I leave for New Jersey this coming Friday. I was thinking of not going because he's being an asshole and acting like he doesn't know me (ex.: never calls or texts or answers my calls or texts) and it's getting on my fucking nerves.. but that's a lot of money to just shove up his ass so I figured why not? If I end up arguing with him, at least I can make good out of the trip and go shopping, right?

But that's me being pessimistic. There's a chance we might get along but after tonight's phone call, I'm not sure if that will happen. He bought me ring.. when I told him not to. We're not engaged anymore because I don't feel that he's fit for being a husband. Not for me, at least. Or maybe it's just me that's not ready? Who knows... all I know is that he bought a very expensive ring and I don't know what I'm going to do when he gets down on his knee with it. -sigh-

I dyed my hair bright red again.. I was missing how I used to dress. I feel like I'm missing a part of myself and I was wondering why. Then.. I realized that I've been dressing and thinking a certain way because I thought it was good for me and to be honest with you, it helped a lot to make me grow up, but the thing is that I need to be ME. Loud, obnoxious, bright ME. I've learned I can be responsible and be my own person at the same time. It just took me a little to realize that.

Anyway.. I'm blabbing. I'm going to rest before I have to head out to my first final exam at 7:45 in the morning. G'night, peeeeeople.
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